Singleness... "What Now?"

This morning I was writing a letter to my future husband, and I ended the letter with the question “What do I do?”…  Upon writing the closing of the letter, this song suddenly popped into my head…

“What does this song have to do with writing a letter to your husband?” you may ask…  Well, as I was sitting there I started to think about the words of the song.

“What now?  What will you do, now that you’ve found Me? What now? What will you do with this treasure you’ve found?  I know I may not look like what you expected, but if you remember, this is right where I said I would be… You found Me… What now?”

I started to think about my life, and how it does not at all look like what I expected it to look like.  I’m 27 years old, and I’ve never had a boyfriend… I’ve never been on a date… I’ve never had a prospect… My plan was to be married at twenty!  I was supposed to start having kids at the age of twenty-five…  What now?

“I know I may not look like what you expected, but if you remember, this is right where I said I would be… You found Me…”

Because of my singleness, I have had my ups and downs in my communication with the Lord over this past year. But in all of the stuff that I’ve been through, I still trust Him with my future.  Singleness is where I have found Him.  Singleness is where I have seen His Face!  Singleness is where I have drawn closer to Him in trust.  Singleness is not the end of the world.  Singleness is where I am supposed to be in this moment in my life.

Yes, I still desire to get married.  Yes, I hope that the man who will become my husband walks into my life tomorrow.  But I don’t want that to define me.  I want God to define me. 

What now?  I’m going to strive to be the best example of God’s love that I can be.  I want to shine the light of God’s love everywhere I go.  I want to desire Him over a husband.  I want God to be my joy.  He is my joy… Sometimes I just have to reevaluate and remember why He is my joy.  He is my Salvation.  He saved me by paying the ultimate price.  I don’t have to spend an eternity in hell because Jesus took all my lies, my disrespect, my selfish pride, my judgmental attitude, my anger, my fear, my eye rolls, etc… He took all of it away and put his name on every single one of my sins.  How can I not be joyful in that? 

Where have you seen the face of Jesus?  Where does he make Himself most evident to you?  What now?

~ S*

"I Will Trust in YOU" One of those days...

Have you ever had one of those days when you just want to scream at the top of your lungs!?!  Today is one of those days for me...

Last year, I thought that God told me I would meet my future husband before the month of September hit...  I thought I was going to get married to this mystery man over Labor Day weekend of last year.  I'm not sure where I went wrong...

Leading up to September, I talked to God just like I would talk to anyone.  It was an easy back and forth conversation between us.  I would talk to Him throughout the day every day.  But since September first... It hasn't been that easy.

I have been struggling with thoughts and doubt ever since.  What if most of the stuff I "heard" wasn't God speaking to me at all?  What if it was just my brain tricking me into predicting everything I was hoping and dreaming for?  I don't know the answers to these questions.  I don't know how to ask God these questions...  What do I do?

A song came on the radio one day after I'd had a huge counseling session with my mom about the events of last year.  It was exactly what I needed at the moment.  The lyrics to the song "I Will Trust in YOU" by Lauren Daigle were exactly what I have been thinking/praying/feeling these past few months.  And I would love for you to listen to this song.







The lyrics of this song are my prayer to God right now.  I am still having to do battle every day with my thoughts and emotions about what happened last year, but I am trusting God no matter what!

Yes, my relationship with my Lord and Savior is a bit different than it was last year.  I question things a lot more than ever before... I don't have those everyday one on one conversations... I believe those conversations are still a possibility, but honestly, I'm not sure how to go about it right now...  BUT, I still believe in Jesus! I still believe what the Word says!  I still pray everyday. I still read my Bible everyday.  I still trust God with my life.

I do NOT know what God's plan for my life is... I question it everyday.  But I will trust God with my life and His plan for it, no matter what!

~ S*